Wanderings and Maunderings

Clearly I should have started lower on the scale.

My replacement modem did not arrive yesterday, after the support tech explicitly told me on Wednesday it would be shipped VIA overnight delivery, leaving the facility the next day (Thursday).

This morning, I chat with CenturyLink CS AGAIN and, after it takes the agent TWENTY MINUTES AND THREE SECONDS to look up the order (I have the chat transcript), I'm given a UPS tracking number.

Which UPS claims is invalid.

I'm also told to "Rest assured that your modem will be delivered 5-7 days to deliver from the date it was shipped out."

SO my best guess is that 1) APPARENTLY (there is a small possibility that an overbusy UPS system missed the arrival scan for the package) the modem has not actually been shipped yet AT ALL, and 2) The modem has NOT been / will NOT be shipped via overnight delivery, so it will take 5-7 business days to arrive from the time it actually IS shipped.

So my next step is to WAIT until UPS finally scans the package into the system, at which point I'll have a delivery estimate. OR wait until I get tired of UPS NOT scanning the package into the system, and reach out AGAIN to CenturyLink to discuss at what point we consider the shipment lost and have them send ANOTHER new modem which I will then have to wait until UPS does or does not scan the package into the system to find out whether I have a delivery date or a need to reach out to CenturyLink.

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IT BEGINS
NEXT: A resolution at last.

Got a robocall from CenturyLink today, apologizing for not being able to complete the scheduled service on the scheduled date and telling me that they'll be back tomorrow between 8 and 5 to try again.

And all I can think is, hey, at least they TOLD ME THIS TIME.

If something screws up tomorrow, I'm going to need to find a new icon, because I've used up my progression of sad/angry ones.

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IT BEGINS
NEXT: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MONTRESOR

On September 24 (or 25), I call CenturyLink to see if there is any way to increase the bandwidth on my DSL connection to something better than 12Mbps. There is not.

With three of us working and/or schooling from home, the current connection is not sufficient.

So, I do a thing which I've been avoiding all year. I order a second line. No problem, they can have a tech out on 10/9 to install that ("Between 8 am and 5 pm"). Longer than I want to wait, but it is what it is, I guess.

On September 30, I call them again to see if they can send me a replacement modem for my first line, because the old modem is needing to be rebooted a couple of times a day. No problem, they can ship that out to me in 3-5 days. Again, longer than I want to wait, but there's still nothing to be done about it.

On October 9, I am owed a comp day for working through the previous weekend (which is a whole 'nother fiasco, but I digress), so I take the day off so I can be available whenever the tech arrives. Around 2:00, a tech does arrive, but to install a new phone jack. (Wait, what?) He doesn't have the DSL order, but suggests that maybe another tech has that job assigned. And another phone jack *is* a requirement for the second line, so OK, I guess. (But in retrospect, how could *they* know that? My phone and networking setup is...unique for a residence)

Except no other tech ever DOES show up.

Oh, and the replacement modem isn't here either.

By the time I realize the DSL isn't happening, it's too late to talk to a person on the CLink customer service line, but maybe I can use their online chat, right?

Apparently not; I click the link on the "recently redesigned!!!" website, but nothing happens.

That's OK, maybe I'll be less angry tomorrow.

"Tomorrow" is Saturday; no phone CS reps, but chat is supposed to be available.

Except the chat link still doesn't work. WTF?

Fortunately, I have a small amount of experience with websites, and I have four different browsers installed on my machine. I switch to Chrome (from Firefox). The chat link works in Chrome. I grumble under my breath about companies who can't be arsed to do basic compatibility testing, but the chat link is working, and that's what's important right now.

Two HOURS later, I have texted with FOUR DIFFERENT PEOPLE and have learned:
1) My DSL order was input as a request for a new phone jack, and they are charging me $100 for something I did NOT order.
2) NO other DSL order was submitted, the phone jack was it.
3) They have NO RECORD of my order for a new modem for the first DSL line.
4) The fourth rep I texted with is able to order the new line (to be installed on October 22) and the replacement modem (the latter will ship "next business day"--we'll come back to this), but they CAN'T refund me for the phone jack that I did not order. (They *can* offer me a $12 credit for the inconvenience, though!) They do give me a phone number for the customer retention department, BUT they disconnect the chat before I have a chance to copy it down (and the "save transcript" button is only available WHILE THE CHAT IS ACTIVE).

I start a new chat to see if I can get the number again, but the techs I text with can't or won't share it. Not a big deal, I know how to get through the IVR to them, I just have to say in an angry voice when the computer asks me how to route my call, "CANCEL MY SERVICE" and I'm in.

(I should note, I'm not yelling at any of the CS reps; it's not their fault that the company they work for is a piece of shit with a monopoly that means they don't actually have to care about their customers. And every rep I worked with seemed like they were genuinely trying to help, they just don't have the tools to do what needs to be done. I do a couple of times have to break out "I am very angry, but that isn't because of anything you've done and I'm not angry at you personally".)

Unfortunately, the retention department is not available on Saturdays. Or Sundays.

So on Monday, I call the main switchboard and say my line. The rep I speak with confirms that the orders from Saturday do exist and seem correct, and reassures me that we'll be credited for the phone jack installation.

Also on Monday, around 12:30 PM, I get a text telling me that my replacement modem for the first line has shipped, with a UPS tracking number. Tracking the package tells me that UPS does not have the package yet, and expects to deliver it on Thursday, and this is when I discover that "We will send it 'next business day' " ACTUALLY means "we will send it ON the next business day, but we will use standard shipping when we do so."

The good news is the modem DOES actually arrive on Thursday, and I have not needed to reboot it since I installed and configured it.

So all that's left is install the new line, sometime between 8 and 5 on October 22.

You may have noticed that this post was written AFTER 5:00 on October 22.

I'm not leaving things to chance this time, though. Around 2:00 I call CenturyLink because I have not had any kind of contact from them or their tech, but the CS rep looks up my account and finds the DSL order is still there, and still scheduled for today.

Except.

Except then it's 4:55 and nobody has showed up, so I once again try chatting with CenturyLink CS, which leads to this exchange:

CS Rep (10/22/2020, 4:59:52 PM): Checking the order
CS Rep (10/22/2020, 5:00:07 PM): 10/22/2020 Your work request has been completed.
CS Rep (10/22/2020, 5:00:19 PM): EST COMPL TIME 10/22/2020 02:11 PM
George Mitchell (10/22/2020, 5:00:28 PM): Nobody has been here
George Mitchell (10/22/2020, 5:00:34 PM): I do not have a new modem
George Mitchell (10/22/2020, 5:02:36 PM): I just checked the front porch in case the tech delivered the modem without ringing the bell. There is nothing there.

When she drills further into the details, she discovers that the service has been postponed until tomorrow. (I'm guessing the record of completion was the tech marking it postponed, but I don't know for sure and that is a truly TERRIBLE ticketing system if postponement looks like completion at a casual glance.) Of course, nobody has deigned to let me know about that. Which, you know, Kevin-Kline-voice dis-a-POINT-ed.

While texting, it turns out they expect that this will be a "contactless" service, which I'm not sure how they think they can manage that when THE MODEM HAS TO BE DELIVERED AND INSTALLED. (To be fair, I *can* install and configure it myself, and I fully intend to do so, because see above unique network setup, but again, *they* have no way to know that.)

When I asked about the modem, she looked it up and found me a tracking number; apparently UPS has this modem too, and expects to deliver it by 9:00 pm today.

In a humorous twist that you would only expect (and would never believe) in a movie, AS I AM COPYING THE TRACKING NUMBER SO I CAN TRACK THE PACKAGE, I hear a truck drive up to the house. I go up to check the porch, and IT IS A PACKAGE FROM CENTURYLINK. THE PACKAGE CONTAINS A DSL MODEM.

Remember I was literally at my front porch not five minutes ago to check for the modem and it was not there. This is my life.

I bring the package in and set it on my desk. I let the CS rep know that it has arrived. She is gratified and amazed.

I ask if we can have a window that's a little more precise than "8 to 5". She says she can't do that. We say goodbye. I start typing this novel.

I realize that the modem package smells like cigarette smoke.

To which I am allergic.

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NEXT: CenturyLink update